Pixels for Jesus

Today we are traveling back to the US. I have my final class next week since the timing is so close to Christmas, we are staying for the whole Holiday season. We are very excited, well to be honest, Katie is very excited. I have my final doctoral class and I always approach it with a healthy sense of trepidation.

When we are home, we are going to see our families. We will celebrate the Holidays with them. When we leave, we will all cry, and miss one another because we know what it means. When we say goodbye this time, it will be for a decent amount of time. For all of our family and friends, they have to accept pixels for Jesus.

This saying refers to our relationship with them and theirs with us, especially Hannah. Over the Thanksgiving holiday break, pixels became very important to us. We spoke with family and saw them through an electronic device with their faces displayed by millions of pixels.

These pixels represent a significant sacrifice and heartache for the parents/grandparents. Since we live in another country, their relationship is relegated to pixels. For them, these pixels are pixels for Jesus.

“And he (Jesus) said to them (his disciples), “Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or wife or brothers or parents or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, who will not receive many times more in this time, and in the age to come eternal life.”” (Luke 18:29–30, ESV)

These pixels that we see of our loved ones are really for Jesus. So as we visit friends and especially family, my heart really goes out to them because this decision is not theirs. It is ours. The pixels were forced on them. It hasn’t been easy but it is necessary. And we are so thankful that we live in a time that pixels are an option. There have been many who have gone before that the saying would have been parchment for Jesus.

What do you do if you are stuck with in a similar predicament? What do you do if your children or your friend is considering missionary service? These answers will come in a post tomorrow. 

Green Pastures

First day of school

We have now finished our first trimester of school! What does this mean? It means we have a small foundation in Spanish. We can get around town and have some basic conversations. If I need something at a store I can ask someone and they can tell me where it is. Or in the case of this last Sunday, I can visit three stores and a fruit stand to find what I need.

After finishing three stores and the fruit stand, I was waiting for the light to change so I could walk across the street. What this actually means is I wait for it to change, then look to see how many people will run a red light, and then I hurry across the street. Each day is like playing Frogger with your life. 

They just installed new lights which give us less time to cross the street and do not change as fast. Needless to say, for us it was not an improvement even if they have nice new green paint!

So there I was, standing at the street corner contemplating my life. Seriously. As I stood there, I began to quote Psalm 23. I began to say the words slowly in my mind. I only made it two verses before I had to stop. Psalm 23:1–2, “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.” I couldn’t believe what I just said. I said them again and yes, I quoted them correctly. God is my shepherd and Costa Rica is my green pasture.

It is easy to compare and think about life back in the US. We live in a very small apartment with very large furniture. As I type this there is a large poorly framed and stained picture of a horse on my wall. It is awful. For outside space, we have a small sloping carport which leads to a metal gate with less than smooth surfaces. Needless to say, if we aren’t at a park, we are not outside. In such a short time, we have made some great friends here but we have only known them for several months. Here in Costa Rica, we have no family. In the US, I was able to speak freely and be a pastor. In Costa Rica, I speak like a Kindergartner.

Even with all of that and more, Costa Rica is my green pasture. There is the saying, “Grass is always greener on the other side.” If I try to compare this life to my old life I am not living in the truth that God has placed me here and this is my green pasture. I prefer to change the common saying to “The grass is greener where you water it the most.” When we were putting Hannah down tonight, we were going through our normal routine of reading books. As we were reading, I was thinking about writing this post and I realized that my phone has not rung once during bed time routine since we have been here in Costa Rica.

Last day of the first trimester, notice Hannah wearing the same outfit

For us, Costa Rica has really been a greener pasture. It hasn’t been easy. Navigating a new country, new language, new sicknesses, and all of us being in school is hard. Don’t read it with rose colored glasses, it is hard. Don’t read it with dark lenses, it is also great. We struggle to conjugate verbs and have correct grammar but we see parrots on the way to school. I drink AMAZING coffee for cheap.

A final note of the green pastures for us relates to Latin American relationships. By God’s grace, we have been able to form several friendships here. When we meet with our friends, I naturally want to tell them what we are learning and practice but it doesn’t work like that here. When we meet it takes about 15 minutes or so to tell them how about our family and how we are doing. It is very different for me. They really value relationships here. The most important relationship is family. We are able to get quality family time here. There have been many people who have made that possible by partnering with us so to them we say thank you. 

For Sale: One slightly used umbrella

For sale: One umbrella. Location: Costa Rica. Only used twice. May not be useful in normal applications. Cost: $1.00 primarily to remove my shame.

What you see here is a picture on my walk home from school. What you don’t see is the amount of water I had already walked into soaking me to mid-shin. I stayed after for tutoring to catch up from missing some work. When I left there was a downpour. It was like a waterfall. Then the winds picked up. Imagine anti-Mary Poppins. Then imagine picking up a cloth from a bucket of water. The cloth well that was me. My umbrella obviously not functioning at full capacity ensured that I was drenched including all of my school books . Thankfully I was only half way home.

What do you do when your life serves up a thunderstorm and you have a broken umbrella? Let me tell you what I did. I laughed and asked someone to take a picture. Trust me at this point, I could have reacted negatively. I could have gotten mad but really what was the worst part? I was soaked? My backpack was holding water. My school books soaked. My shoes wouldn’t dry for days. In the US, we have a statement, “Don’t cry over spilled milk.” Here in Costa Rica it is, “Don’t cry when water is on the floor.” The saying makes sense especially with our history here. In two months, our ceiling has leaked twice, water came under our door once flooding our living room, and 4 windows leak when we have rain from the east.

A little water isn’t worth crying over. In fact, I think I make a big deal about too many things. I do this mainly because I think too much of this life and too little of heaven. Please don’t misinterpret my reasoning, longing for heaven is good but heaven is good because Jesus is there. If I make Jesus my supreme desire the stuff in this world doesn’t matter near as much.

While this is good about suffering, I’m not a sufferer. I’m a Christian and a missionary. What does this have to do with missions? Well everything. After my time in language school, I will be transitioning to the mountains in Ecuador to work with the Highland Quichuas. I am not going there because of them. I’m going there because I love Jesus. Every day I have to put in the front of my mind that I am learning Spanish not for them or for me, but for Jesus. So with that, I’m off to study more irregular verbs.

Take off the training wheels

Do you remember when you first tried to ride a bike with no training wheels? I remember like it was yesterday. I remember when the training wheel first came off. I was balling. I was terrified I was going to fall off my bike and die. My father assured me he would hold on. He was stern. I had to do this. There was no backing out. This happened long before kids started wearing helmets and pads to learn how to ride a bike. Back in the good old days.

I was terrified as I started riding. My dad kept his word and held on… for about five seconds. As I was riding, I turned around and I had left him in the dust. I should have known. There was no way I was going to get him to run down the street. He lied but I was riding!

Speaking a new language is the same way. After being here a couple of weeks, I had some language. Enough to get a ride in a taxi and return home. While this may sound childish and it is, my address is: San Franciso de Dos Rios, 100 mts este iglesia catolica. 25 mts izquerda, casa aldo de izquerda color es café y crema. You don’t exactly put that into Google maps. There came a time when I needed to get a cab and give him my destination and then return home with my ridiculously long address. In order to speak Spanish sometimes you just have to... speak Spanish.

There are many similarities to our own spiritual walk. Probably what people have told me more than anything else relating to their personal walk with the Lord is that they don’t understand the Bible. Let me say two things before I give you the answer I give them. First, reading the Bible is important. God gave us creation, his Son, and a book. We need to look outside, believe in his Son, and read his book. Secondly, reading the Bible is not a substitute for knowing God. There are stronger believers with greater faith who cannot read and who don’t have the Bible in their language.

So back to my answer. How do you understand the Bible? You read it!

You read it fast, read it slow, read it early, and read it late. Read it in bed and at a desk. Read it so your life won’t be a mess.

Read it in sections and read them again. Just in case you don’t get it at first. You will get it once in it you’re immersed. 

Don’t be afraid of all of the pages, they have been there for ages! Let them become familiar to your fingers. Read them often to answer any question that lingers.

So by now my answer should be quite clear. If you can’t read just make sure you can hear. For in times past, one person would read and all would stand near.

Still today there are many who don’t read at all. Many of them live in the mountains and are not quite tall. They are the ones whom we will teach, so their people they will reach.

I hope you enjoyed Dr. Seuss inspired poem. Do not take your literacy for granted. God has given you a great gift. Would you pray for Katie and me as we embark on learning a new language? 

Blind Spots

The first two months here have been difficult to say the least. Katie spent a week in the hospital and still needs a couple more tests. We are in a new country, learning a new language, and meeting new people. Maybe one of the greatest challenges is being a parent during this whole process.

We have had ups and downs of language. At first, Hannah did not like her school. They only spoke to her in Spanish and she knew only English. She finally started catching on and has now surpassed us! Just this last weekend she was not being obedient at all. In order to get her to come I had to speak in Spanish, “Venga aqui!” When I told her to “come here” she came immediately.

It has been a little different as we navigate Costa Rican sicknesses. She had a virus. It was similar to viruses in the US but it was stronger and lasted longer. She had a fever for a week and a three day rash followed. She now has a lingering cough. Other kids have been sick with other things and I’m praying it passes without another trip to the doctor.

What has been most difficult here is my hidden blind spots. Well, that was being too positive. This has challenged my prayer life and my faith like nothing before. Over the past two months as we have went from one difficulty to another, I have prayed like the man in the Bible whose child needed to be healed by Jesus. Jesus told the man all things were possible for the one who believes. In a moment where the depths of his soul were peered into by the Lord, he prayed, “I believe, help my unbelief” (Mk 9:24).

I don’t know what it is but when someone you love is sick it is bad. But it seems when your child is sick it is the worst thing ever. My reference point for sicknesses in Costa Rica has been things at a week-long interval. It seems that with each day there is a new depth of my heart that is being exposed and revealed. When NASA released pictures form the Hubble telescope everyone (including myself) was amazed at seeing the deepest pictures of space. I feel like those pictures are a Polaroid compared to intense gaze of the Lord upon my heart. So I pray, “I believe, help my unbelief.”  

Has God failed?

Has God failed?

Hannah woke up this morning with a cough. Today, it was a little more pronounced than yesterday. So yet again, we are missing another day of school to keep her home. Katie is feeling much better so we are alternating during the day. What gets me about Hannah being sick is that Katie and I have prayed for her to be well and not get sick. She is sick. Has God failed?

In one sense, yes. God has failed. He just hasn’t failed as you may think of it. God has not failed to be good, righteous, just, loving, or sovereign. In other words, he has not stopped being God. But he has failed to be a get well genie for us.

Two years ago, John Piper said, “God is always doing 10,000 in your life, and you may be aware of three of them.” Ouch! So Hannah is sick. I am not sure why she is sick. I would love her to never get sick, ever. What I don’t know is what God knows. He knows each virus and bacteria she will face in her life. He knows that for her to have a strong immune system later she has to have these little coughs and sicknesses. Sicknesses build immune system strength.

I’m staying at home first. We will probably take her to the doctor tomorrow. We will have extra tea parties. She will take an extra nap. I will continue to pray she gets well but in my prayers I will pray to God who is always good, always righteous, always, just, always loving, always sovereign, and has seen his own Son in far worse shape than my daughter with a cough. 

There is more than just Spanish being taught in our classes.

Our day is broken into four sections. The first part of my day consists of Spanish babbling. The class is Fonetica and the focus is on the vocalization of letters, words, and sentences. If you have ever heard someone speak Spanish, you should have noticed they do so very quickly, and that their mouth seems to barely move when they are rapidly moving from word to word and syllable to syllable. There is a reason for this, some words are combined due to the first or last letter in opposing words. While I finish my cup of coffee (and usually pour another one in class), I repeat the teacher in a group, and then we do it individually. No one in our group is from the Deep South or Texas so everyone does pretty well. The class isn’t as important for me but it is a good way to wake my mind up to Spanish plus the coffee is good!

The second class is all speaking. This class is great because I really learn by doing. In order for me to connect the grammar rules, I need to speak them in a sentence. Since there are only four of us, I get many opportunities to speak. Today in class, we were given card with verbs written on them and told to use them to ask a question to another student. Well my brain works different. It works much different. I looked at my verbs and immediately had two questions I wanted to ask but knew I couldn’t lead with them. I saved them for the end and tried to play nice. My last two questions were, “Why do you show your children your muscles?” My verb was mostrar meaning “to show” and it was all I could think of at the time. It was followed with several muscle poses by the teacher and students, we are all guys. It was perfect with several of us doing our best Arnold impersonation. It was great. The last question I had to use cortar meaning “to cut.” So I asked, “Quien corta el queso?” which means, “Who cut the cheese?” All the students laughed. The teacher started talking about the white cheese popular here in Costa Rica.  We explained that it was a phrase used in English with two meanings, a literal one and then it was used to talk about farting. He loved it. We followed this by several people making farting noises and using the question in English and Spanish. It was great to teach him something! Plus who doesn’t like doing a muscle pose and making fart noises in class? Well most women probably (hopefully) don’t but us guys, we always enjoy a good muscle pose and any noise that sounds like someone passing gas.

After a break, I go to Grammatica. Tuesdays and Thursdays there is chapel so break is filled with English worship and a sermon but then it all gets real when we sit down to learn grammar. Grammar is a tough class. There is more instruction and less talking. Learning the rules is no problem for me but I struggle putting it together in a class with eleven people. There are some people in class that have full conversations in Spanish. I’m not there. I’m not even close. Even though the class is difficult, this is my favorite teacher. She is excellent. She is animated and uses different teaching methods to help every student. While she may teach me everything I know about Spanish grammar, this week I learned something more important than grammar.

I looked at her resume. She used to teach in the University. She is the most educated at the school and has great credentials. This week on Tuesday, the chapel service was a QandA with the teachers. Now to be honest, I had no idea what any of them said. I did notice that my teacher cried when she was asked a question and I noticed several other students moved by the teachers’ responses. After asking my teacher to tell us what the questions were I learned more of what was said. There was one question that asked them why they taught at the school. All four of them said they taught at the school because they knew missionaries were needed in Latin America. They view their job as a ministry. While they get paid for what they do, they do it because they love it and because it has Kingdom impact. My teacher took a pay cut and a less prestigious position because she can have greater Kingdom impact teaching missionaries how to communicate in Spanish. That lesson is better than any rule for a preposition!

Now what if you viewed your job that way? What if you viewed your job as a ministry? You probably aren’t teaching a second language to missionaries but what if you viewed your job as a missionary? What if you set out for work tomorrow looking to make an impact in the Kingdom? When you are approached about a new job or promotion ask yourself, will I have a greater opportunity to impact the Kingdom of God? Live your life in such a way that the Kingdom of God pushes back the darkness.

You Win Some You Lose Some

One of the challenges of living in another country is buying food. Some things are pretty easy to discern, apples are apples no matter where you live. They do have water apples here. They look like a shriveled read pear but alas Granny Smiths are Granny Smiths wherever you go and you use them to bake an apple pie. There are other uses for Granny Smith apples but none are as good as an apple pie. Rice looks like rice. Beans look like beans, their “musical nature” is also present in Latin America.

However, there are somethings that are not similar. Spices are new and have different names. There are some similarities but more differences. Product descriptions are all in Spanish which we are learning. The most difficult is meat. The cuts of meat are much different and the names of fish differ between Latin American countries. For instance, the name for a fish here in Costa Rica is small type of snapper whereas in Mexico it is an eel so using Google Translate is no help.

Then there are things without names. This comes when we go to the market. It is typically busy and very few signs. We ran into a bit of a problem when we tried out a new stand that was selling leafy items. Katie wanted a go at it so she ventured into the ladies stall. She was surrounded by leafy green edible plants and people. The sales lady talks fast so Katie did her best to understand. She returned with a couple of bags of green leafy things. We came home, soaked them, spun them (in a salad spinner to decrease the drying time), and stored them. While I was looking at the items, I asked Katie what she got. Well, what she thought she bought was not what she bought. She did successfully buy some spinach but failed on the arugula. We now have an immense amount of mint. I mean we have a lot of mint.

I’m not sure what will come of it. I can’t drink anymore mint tea and she’s not allowed to sneak anymore of it into a salad. There is nothing like brushing your teach as you eat a salad let me tell you! So we will chalk that one up to a loss.

Our motto grocery shopping is, “You win some you lose some.” While Katie’s story was more recent, the first week here I attempted to buy some sausage. I had just had some delicious chorizo. So I bought two different types. The first was a Costa Rican chorizo and the other came as a package in a long sausage link with red lining. The first night I cooked part of the big link and one of the Costa Rican chorizos. I was so excited to taste them, if they were anything like what I had earlier I had hit the jackpot. Well instead of hitting the jack pot, I swung and missed horribly. The Costa Rican chorizo was the worst sausage I had ever had in my life. It was slimy, bland, and bad all at the same time. It was worst sausage I had ever eaten until I took a bite of the other one. What was in the nice large link of sausage? Bologna. Yep, you’re every old day bologna. Now if you are a person who like bologna two things. First, I feel sorry for you. Food is so good and meat tastes so great there is no reason to put it in your mouth. Secondly, I bet if you eat it, you probably don’t eat a two inch thick piece of it. You probably mask it with mayonnaise, lettuce, cheese, mustard, bread, or some combination therein. It was a big letdown, far worse than drinking unsweet tea when you are expecting sweet tea. So we still have some mint in our refrigerator, we got rid of all that sausage.

While we do win some and lose some, you only do if you play the game or in our case, go to the market. But if this is all about nasty sausage and enormous amount of mint I have wasted your time. However, I think about us sharing the gospel. The motto is true, you will win some (to Christ) and lose some (they are already lost) but you can only win someone to Christ if you step out and share the gospel. As a comfort to you, remember sharing the gospel is not about your convincing someone. No one has ever been won to Christ because you came with polished arguments and defending the gospel like a seasoned pro. People come to Christ because God draws them to himself. How does he do this? Through your faithful obedience and by your stepping out in faith by sharing the gospel. Sharing the gospel is primarily your bragging on God and what he has done in Christ. The gospel is the good news. The good news is that no one is too lost to save, no sin is too great, and everyone is welcome. So get out there and share the gospel!

Stop and Hear the Parrots

Living in another country is full of challenges.

In Latin America, there is the challenge to remember toilet paper goes in the trash can not the toilet. That is really a thing here. The struggle to remember that is real! There is the challenge of a new schedule. Here the sun creeps over the mountains a little after 5am. In case you were wondering, that was not our normal time to wake up. It was definitely not Hannah’s normal time to wake up.

Here we are loaded up. Hannah is 30 pounds and our three backpacks are a little more than that in total weight. 

Even though there are many difficulties, there are great experiences too. In order to acclimate well, sometimes we just need to stop and smell the roses.

Take this morning for example, we are in the middle of rainy season which means the ants (hormigas) invade. A couple of days a week while I wait for hot water to boil for my coffee, I kill ants. It is me verses them. I’m not about peace treaties with them. I want them to die slowly so they can tell their friends. To be honest, they don’t bother me too much. I view it as a challenge to eradicate them. Since we have a fifteen minute walk to school, we put Hannah in a stroller (graciously given to us by a church before we left and life is easier with it). However, this morning, the ants found her stroller. Her stroller is like every other toddler’s stroller or car seat – absolutely disgusting. The ants found Hannah’s little buffet for them.

We were already running late so Katie put her baby carrier on and I loaded up with three back packs. We thought about catching a taxi to school but the traffic was pretty bad which meant we could walk about as fast as a taxi. Looking back, I’m so glad we walked. Because we were without a stroller, we entered into the school through a different gate which allowed us a new site and sound, parrots! As we approached the school, we were greeted with the screeches. Parrots aren’t exactly song birds!

Acclimating to a new culture is difficult but if you will live with the “glass is half full” mentality it gets easier. This was a good morning to stop, see, and hear the parrots. How glorious! 

So I’m learning español. People ask how it is going. To be honest, I do not know enough to tell you. In class, I do not understand enough to ask questions! There are some people in class that are having complete conversations and I am completely lost. I’m not without hope in the process. God has called me and he will equip me. This doesn’t mean I don’t need to study it just means he is with me when I am.

There are three ways to say give a demonstrative pronoun in Spanish. They are éste, ése, áquell. These are masculine forms. For you grammar types, there are also masculine plural (éstos, ésos, aquéllos), feminine/plural (ésta/s, ésa/s, áquella/s), there is also a neuter form (ésto, éso, áquello). Now that I have satisfied the grammar nerd in all of you and figured out how to do accents on letters, which was no small feat. Let me tell you why this is comforting to me.

In English we use, “this” or “that” as demonstrative pronouns. These words represent things that are in our hand (this) or things that are far away (that). In español, it is different. They add a different degree of distance. They use éste, ésta, and ésto for something at hand. They use ése, ésa, and ésto for something close but not in hand. They use áquell, áquella, and áquello for something far away.

So while studying this for class, I began to think about how there are some people close at hand. I can talk to them on a daily basis, get to know them, and share the love of Christ with them. There are others who are a little farther away. I may see them occasionally or I may speak to them on social media. There is yet another group of people, those who are far away. Those people, I will never meet. I will never get to know them. They are too far. Even though someone may be too far for me to reach, they are not beyond the reach of God. God is omnipresent. He is everywhere. No one can hide from him.

It makes me think about the people Sentinelese people. They are uncontacted. They live on an island in the Bay of Bengal. When contact has been attempted they have shot arrows and killed anyone who comes close. For this reason, India has imposed a three mile buffer zone around the island. The Sentinelese people are too far for me but not for God. I’m praying that these far off people would be open to the Gospel and those who are far off would be brought near. 

Katie is finally home. She spent the last week in the hospital fighting a pretty serious dose of the Noro virus. We had people praying for us all over the globe. We both felt completely overwhelmed with the grace and peace that is only offered in Jesus. While spending a week in the hospital is bad, It is worse when it is in another country. When you don’t know the language, well it seems worse. The problem is only heightened when you have a twenty month old child that needs to be quarantined from her mother. Since Katie had two IVs, one in each wrist, she required my constant presence so I was unable to spend much time with Hannah throughout the week.

However, even though the situation sounds bad, I wanted to share with you how the Lord tenderly loved us through the ordeal. He is so faithful and loving. He did several things with perfect timing that reminded us of his care and provision.

Initially, we had planned on spending Saturday at La Paz waterfall and zoo. It is (I know from pictures of friends) a beautiful tropical zoo paradise about an hour and a half away from San Jose, CR. There were about forty students set to go on the excursion which the language school set up for us. We were so excited. I had the Go-Pro camera charged, bags packed, and we were set. After several weeks of seeing the city of San Jose both Katie and I felt we needed to see something pretty. Not that the city isn’t nice but it is the capital city. Everything changed about 3am. I woke up with severe stomach cramps and everything that went with it, I thought, La Paz may not happen. When I woke up two hours later throwing up, I thanked the Lord for bringing on the sickness an hour before we were set to leave for La Paz. I don’t have anything against the other students but I feel some things are best not shared!

Katie was so sweet and kind. She took missing La Paz like a trooper. She cared for me. She got Gatorade for me and even washed all the vegetables from the market. I laid in bed feeling horrible but cared for. At noon, Katie came in the room and said she wasn’t feeling the best. Two hours later, she was in full on sick mode. We asked our neighbors to watch Hannah and Katie and I laid in bed sick as dogs. At about 5pm, it was apparent Katie was not getting better.

The school has a doctor (Dr. Longworth) who keeps office hours at the school and at the best hospital in CR. His parents were missionaries here. He was born here but speaks perfect English. I spoke with him on the phone and he advised us to go to the ER. So we took our first solo taxi ride (first ride without someone speaking for us) and we drove to the ER. Dr. Longworth called ahead to the ER for us and within ten minutes Katie was seen, had blood drawn, and IV fluids had begun. She was still sick but in the right place.

The blood work came back and showed she had an infection and was dehydrated. After several hours, the ER doctor (who also spoke very good English) gave us his business card with his personal contact information on it, a host of medications, and set us on our way. When you go to check out of the hospital, they offer to fill your prescriptions at the pharmacy. Typically, the meds are a little bit more expensive but the convenience factor makes it completely worth it. While we were waiting for the scripts to get filled, the ER doctor called me back in and told me he called Dr. Longworth and that he wanted Katie admitted into the hospital. He said, “I do not know Dr. Longworth. My normal protocol for this type of sickness is to release you with these medicines.” So I was stuck deciding between two doctors opinions. After conferring with Katie, who still didn’t feel the best, I told him to admit her. If it were me, I would have probably gone home but since it was Katie I wanted to make sure she was ok.

We had to wait longer to get Katie to a room. We finally did around midnight. When we entered into the room, the nurses began checking her vitals. I asked one of them to take my temperature. I had a 100.5 degree fever. I didn’t feel good so I checked myself into the ER and had my blood drawn. While waiting for my results, I took a bag of IV fluids. My numbers came back showing I was fighting something but nothing to the same level of Katie. I was released with no medications. After a bag of fluids, I felt much better.

I got to Katie’s room about 2:30am. She had been throwing up or at least attempting to the entire time I was gone. I was so thankful for Dr. Longworth and giving us the wisdom to follow his advice over the other doctor.

It took a couple of days for Katie to feel better. We were hopeful she was going to be coming home on Tuesday. She was trying so hard to get released. The doctors gave her two goals: drink liquid and eat food. When she could do both and keep them down she would be able to go home. Well Monday night, she had an appetite. She ate some food and drank some Powerade. I went home preparing to come get her for discharge. She sent me a message early in the morning, she couldn’t keep anything down. On top of that, she had severe pain in her abdomen.

It was the grace of God for her to stay those extra days. During the extra days, the doctors found that fluid had formed around her bowel and in her lungs due to the severity of the sickness. They were also able to determine she had the Noro virus and not a bacterial infection as was initially expected. This discovery completely changed her medication. The medications and lack of antibiotic helped her be able to repair the damage done to her stomach and esophagus.

While we were there, the nurses were so kind. The doctors all seven of them were great. Dr. Longworth is known for being thorough. He made rounds at least one a day. He had another doctor come by twice a day, an infectious disease doctor, gastro doctor, surgeon, and a couple of doctors who ran tests. Here doctors run ultrasounds not techs. It is great because they give instant readings and diagnosis. Katie got several tests and each one was administered by a doctor with an attending nurse. Katie was in great care. I told her it was an all-inclusive stay. She was able to order anything she wanted, had people make her bed twice a day. Costa Ricans are very serious about showering in the morning and changing sheets. She had her sheets changed and turned down twice a day. Needless to say, she saw my statement as a joke. Oh they also serve a Hershey’s Kiss whenever you order a cup of coffee. I see the last point as a total positive thing for coffee shops in the US to adopt. 

While we were there, we had visitors from the school staff, a teacher, and plenty of students. We couldn’t have felt more loved by their visits. To top things off, some of the students have set meals up for us now that we are home.

Several of the hard things that happened to us. First, Katie got admitted to the hospital. But can you imagine if she wasn’t? What a mark of God’s kindness having her admitted! Second, Katie couldn’t keep food down on Monday. Keeping her several more days allowed the doctors to find out exactly what was wrong with her which kept her medicine count down. Now that she has been home and recovered, we could not be more pleased with her care. The last couple of days of her hospitalization allowed the doctors to do several different tests which completely changed the medication she was given. This medication change allowed her to return home and recover much quicker. So while we may not always know God’s plan or his timing, his plan is always good and he is always on time. 

We recently spent a week in Ecuador. Our trip down was quite memorable and by that I mean miserable. We started the trip out on very little sleep after having a two day long yard sale. Things got real interesting when the airline did not allow us to bring the car seat on the plane. For me (James) I was disheartened. On the other hand, Katie was in a six hour wrestling match. 

Right before take off. The last time Katie smiled until we landed. Hannah's look... well she is thinking, "They aren't strapping me in! I'm free!"

We made it to Ecuador. Katie's beautiful smile returns. Hannah was exhausted!

We had a layover in Panama where the air conditioning was not working in the airport. After lacing up the gloves again, we boarded the plane for Ecuador. We finally made it!

We landed in Guayaquil and drove several hours to Cuenca. Cuenca is a beautiful city located in the Andes.

Cuenca, Ecuador. 

 We stayed with the Sills family. They are great hosts, guides, and friends. After taking a day to rest, we traveled to Incapirca to visit the ruins. 

Incapirca, Ecuador

Incapirca, Ecuador on a very windy day!

When we left, we visited the training center in Tambo. When I walked into the church and training center, I saw both Pastor Felix and Manuel (a pastor who lives several hours away). They both greeted me with open arms, literally giving me a nice big hug. Right before we left, we met a Japanese lady, who knew Japanese, English, Spanish, and Quichua. She was a Jehovah’s Witness. We took a couple of minutes to share with her about the correct Jesus. We left that day, tired, overwhelmed with the need, but encouraged with all the work God is doing up in the mountains.

A blurry picture of Felix showing off a nice bed in the training center. 

The family at the training center in Tambo. 

We spent the rest of our time in Cuenca seeing the sights and sounds of the city. We went to the museum which doubles as a cultural center for the city with more Inca ruins. We went to the market to buy produce and I even went a got a cup of coffee! 

A nice cappuccino 

We went to the mall one day because their version of Wal-Mart is there. The store was like Wal-Mart in what they offer with less interesting people!

Before we came home, I was prepared with the required policies for car seats. The flights home were not as memorable. However, it was significantly better!

Beautiful smiles and straps the entire way!

A couple of funny things about our trip:

1.      1. We need a pressure cooker. It took us 4 days to cook black beans. That’s right 4 days. Because C2. Cuenca is almost two miles in the air, water boils at a lower temperature and things take longer to cook.

2.      2. We will be eating a lot of fresh produce. We bought $20 worth and it was all I could carry (and I’m incredibly strong, ok maybe not but we bought a bunch of stuff).

Wide angle lens required for $20 worth of produce.

3.      3. Ecuadorians love Hannah. Who doesn’t right? They loved seeing her and she loved them doting on her. My language was not good enough but I’m sure a couple of them talked about her chubby thighs. Thankfully she is only a year and half and those comments are still ok,

4.      4. We have much to learn. We need to learn language, culture, cooking methods, and relearn how to drive.

For all of you who have supported us, prayed for us, and even asked us how we are doing, thank you. We are setting final dates and times to leave for language school, mid-August but that is for another post.  

I know that tomorrow is such an exciting day for most of us.  We have so much to celebrate.   But for others, tomorrow is a very hard day.  If tomorrow will be hard for you, I hope these simple words of encouragement minister to you as you walk through tomorrow…

To the Hurting Mommy/Mommy to Be

        Maybe walking through Mother’s Day is one more reminder of your grief.  Maybe it’s one more reminder of hopeful plans that never panned out.  Maybe it’s one more reminder of an empty womb and empty arms.  Please know that if you feel alone tomorrow, you are not alone.  You are loved and you are prayed for.  My heart grieves with yours.  I can’t make your hurt or loss any better.  There is nothing I can say that will change what you are walking through.  In some ways I understand and in some ways I do not. But I do understand loss and waiting for God’s timing.  These are not easy things.  But God loves you and he is big enough to hold your tears.  He is big enough to carry your heart through this day.

 “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1

To the Mommy who is waiting…

My prayer for you is that tomorrow is filled with God’s grace for you.  I pray that as you encounter others that they bear the image of Christ to you.  I pray that you have hope in Christ.  He knows suffering and He is the great comforter of the heart.  God knows the plans He has for you and his timing is perfect even in the painful season of waiting.  My prayer for you is that you allow God to heal your heart in your season of waiting. My prayer for you is that you trust God in his timing and his plans for your life.  My prayer for you is that your hope is founded in Christ.  If you need to cry tomorrow, it’s okay.  But I pray that God refreshes you and gives you hope as you wait on him and his timing.  I pray that He brings you great joy and peace. 

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

To the Mommy who is grieving…

My prayer for you is that you feel God’s mercy being poured out on you throughout the day.  I pray that as you wake in the morning, God gives you peace.  I pray that God gives you happy memories.  As you think of those happy memories, I pray that you are reminded of a God who loves you unconditionally.  Please know that we live in a world of sorrow and of sin.  Death was never part of God’s original design for creation.  I’m so sorry that you are walking through grief.  My heart aches for you.  I pray that you are able to spend time tomorrow remembering your baby or child.  I pray that others will remember you and your grief.  I pray that God uses others to minister to you and love you.  I’m so sorry that this day that is so happy for most, is very sad for you.  But I pray that God carries you through tomorrow and at the end of the day, you are able to look back at our gracious God loving you, healing you, and leading you through the day. If you need to cry tomorrow, it’s okay.  You are a mommy who has loved and lost. 

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort who comforts us in our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

To the Mommy who chose adoption for the child she birthed…

My prayer for you is that God gives you hope and peace.  I pray that you know the love of God.  I pray that you know how much he loves you and that he wants to adopt you into his family.  The choice that you made for your child is one of the most beautiful sacrificial pictures of love.  I pray that God can use this in your life to share God’s hope and peace with others.  I pray that as time passes, God heals your heart and gives you much joy.  My prayer is that you are reminded of the precious gift of life that you gave the child that you birthed.  You birthed a child and then put your child’s needs above your own.  You did a very hard thing because of your love for your child.  Your love for your child should never be questioned, but affirmed

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

If tomorrow will be hard for you, please know that God loves you.  Please know that other mothers have walked before you or are walking a similar path with you and understand your pain and suffering.  My prayer for you tomorrow is that you look to the God who created you and who loves you for hope, peace, and healing.  You are a beautiful, unique, exquisite woman created by God!  He loves you more than you can comprehend!  He is big enough to hold your tears.  He is big enough to hear your questions.  He is big enough to heal your heart.  He loves you! 

Lord, anything but my dogs.

Today is a hard day for my family. We have, for almost five years, enjoyed two great dogs. Sadie WalkerTexasRanger and Howitzer JackBowitzer whom we affectionately call, “Howie.” Sadie is a boxer and Howie is a Heinz 57 mutt. They are great, a little overweight, well trained, great with kids, the consummate guard dogs, big babies, and grocery destroyers. When Katie and I followed the Lord in our call to missions, we never knew all it would cost. We are giving away many of our goods, selling our house, and today, giving our dogs away.

Now some of you might go online and look at the requirements for bringing dogs overseas. Before you do, let me assure you, it is possible that Sadie and Howie come with us. However, we are not thrilled about them spending time in quarantine or living in an apartment. Even worse, would be putting them through this twice in one calendar year.

For us, our dogs served as children place holders. For several years, we were trying any avenue to have a child. While we were there waiting, Sadie and Howie were there. When we had multiple failed adoptions, Sadie was there trying to lick Katie’s tears away. Howie, well he is a special dog and is perfectly happy to just lay around and be pet or to just lay around. Now with Hannah they are no longer place holders but are child protection and friend. One of Hannah’s greatest joys after she is finished eating her food is to drop her food on the ground for her two patiently waiting friends. I saw it (and without attempting correction) yesterday and I have no idea how much food Hannah eats. I also know why Howie is overweight!

Things have not always been great with Sadie and Howie. A couple of years ago, they decided to make a break for it and take a vacation in the nature preserve. Howie came home after five days and Sadie eight (she is a bit more stubborn).

All in all, today is a sad day because we love those two dogs. They are going to a great home with new owners who love dogs and will have time for them. Today is tough because it is another loss we are experiencing as we follow Christ.

Paul writes to a church and recounts who he used to be and what he had and says, “Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead (Philippians 3:8–11).”

Today, we are experiencing another loss but we will gain more. It is incredibly sad to see these two dogs go. But we praise God for the time we had with them and for how He made them. God made animals, dogs especially, (the verdict is still out on cats), with an innate ability for love and relationship. This ability is how God created them and for that He is praise worthy. A dog is a man’s best friend. I prayed the other day and it ended with, “Lord anything but my dogs.” But I don’t want to settle for a “best friend” when I can have a Savior and Heavenly Father. When I see the love these dogs have, it is infinitely better in Jesus. These days make us focus on loving our Creator not his creation because what we love in creation is really what we love about him. It just hurts to see it sometimes.

 

Today is an important day, it is St. Patrick’s Day. Irish pubs will be full with drunkenness (not good). Savannah, GA will dye their river green (a little weird). Many people will wear green and get pinched if not wearing green (a bit odd). The lucky few will eat a meal with corned beef, cabbage, and potatoes (a favorite of mine). I like to joke that today is the day everyone pretends to be me.

St. Patrick was raised in a Christian home but in his teenage years was captured by Celtic pirates. He was enslaved, abused, and taunted by his captors. He was forced to tend sheep. He was lonely, often hungry. Finally, after six years, he escaped back to his family back in Britain.

He did not remain in Britain for long. He secured a license to return to Ireland as an evangelist. He went back to the very people who persecuted him. God changed his heart to love his captors. God used him to share the Gospel. Most people will talk about Patrick removing the snakes from Ireland, in a sense, this is true. Because of the cold climate, snakes are not found in Ireland. However, they were staunchly pagan in the fifth century, until Patrick came. Patrick came declaring the Gospel, that message which removes the Serpent, the snake from the Garden.

The Gospel is the message that Jesus came to crush the head of the serpent. Now the serpent bruised his heal but Christ crushed his head. When Patrick came to tell Ireland about Jesus, he was removing the power of the snake.

This message is not unique to me and my family. Several months ago, when my grandmother passed away, I read her testimony. My grandmother came to faith in Christ when an American missionary came to Ireland to preach the Gospel. I don’t know his name but I am so thankful for him. My grandmother had a huge impact on my coming to faith in Christ. My life is changed because someone, like Patrick, went to a land not his own and shared the good news of Jesus.

Katie and I are planning on going to a land not our own to share the good news of Jesus. Would you be willing to partner with us? Would you help send us and pray that God would use the Gospel to change a life, family, and nation? 

If you have any questions about partnering with us please email or call. You can visit here to financially partner with us. If you would like to be added to our email list email us at kerrfamily@reachingandteaching.org

When did your family change direction? We would love to hear who your "Patrick" is for your family!

Plodding Along

William Carey is called the Father of Modern Day Missions. He was one of the founders of the Baptist Mission Society. They were a group of pastors and theology students who committed to work together. They committed to collect funds together to send missionaries. John Thomas and William Carey were elected to go to India.

While there, William Carey suffered extreme hardships. There were fires that destroyed his translation, his wife lost her mind, he buried children, and he was kicked out of English controlled area forcing him into the Dutch controlled Serampore. To make things more plain concerning his hardships, it was over seven years before he baptized his first convert!

Can you imagine, working for seven years without anything to show? Let’s be clear, getting conversions is not the goal of missions – the glory of God is the goal. God is glorified if people are converted or not. But let’s also be clear – God is glorified when men who are dead are made alive, when spiritually blind men are given sight.

Carey received much fame for his work in Serampore. Even today his story inspires others to follow his famous saying, “Expect great things from God. Attempt great things for God.” Don’t be fooled, Carey did amazing things. He was an absolute trailblazer. When he was reflecting on his life, he knew someone would one day write a biography about him. He told his nephew, “Eustace, if after my removal any one should think it worth his while to write my Life, I will give you a criterion by which you may judge of its correctness. If he give me credit for being a plodder he will describe me justly. Anything beyond this will be too much. I can plod. I can persevere in any definite pursuit. To this I owe everything.” What was the mark of Carey’s life? He persevered. Regardless of what difficulty came his way, he plodded through.

How could Carey plod through such difficulty? How could Carey keep his faith through trial after trial? Did he have amazing gifts? Maybe, but most linguists say he was not that gifted as a linguist. Was he a super duper Christian? Maybe, but the Holy Spirit living in him is the same in me and you. What was it?

In order for us to know the power behind Carey, we need to go look at the beginning of his mission work. Right after the forming of the Baptist Missionary Society, Carey went to each man involved and got them to commit to the work. Andrew Fuller remembers the moment this way,

“Our undertaking to India really appeared to me, on its commencement, to be somewhat like a few men, who were deliberating about the importance of penetrating into a deep mine, which had never before been explored. We had no one to guide us; and, while we were thus deliberating, Carey, as it were, said, ‘Well, I will go down if you will hold the rope.’ But, before he went down, he, as it seemed to me, took an oath from each of us at the mouth of the pit to this effect, that while we lived we should never let go the rope. You understand me. There was great responsibility attached to us who began the business.”

The strength to plodding hard ground is not in the exceptional qualities of the individual but on those petitioning God on behalf of the individual. Missions is never dependent on us. Missions is God’s work.

So seek Him. Hold the rope. If you are one of our “rope holders” thank you. If you want to become a rope holder, email us at kerrfamily@reachingandteaching.org

Greetings!

I hope everyone is doing well. We had a very busy January and we have been very busy so far this February.

We began the New Year by traveling to Panama City Beach, FL where I preached at a youth camp. The camp was a great time to preach to teenagers from the book of Philippians. After the camp, we spent several days with Katie’s family. We were blessed to celebrate Hannah’s first birthday with her family.

The next week I went to Louisville, KY for class and Katie remained in Mobile, AL with her family. I was challenged and encouraged by my classes on the history and theology of missions. The big take away from class is the term missio Dei, the mission of God. Missions is not man’s idea. In fact, before we ever thought of missions, God was already on mission (missio Dei) to redeem mankind for Himself. Being involved in missions is joining in the grand plan of God! What an encouragement!

As soon as class let out, I was on the road to Mobile, AL. I slept several hours before driving Katie and Hannah to Grand Isle, LA. I preached twice Sunday morning, once at First Baptist Grand Isle and then forty five minutes north at a Crosspoint Church. We really enjoyed our time on the Bayou. The people there may be difficult to understand as they mix English and Cajun but what is clear is the love they have for one another. Their love was evident to us as we were able to eat meals with them (genuine Cajun gumbo, it was absolutely delicious) and the support for those we were privileged to see several baptized at Crosspoint Church.

As a quick aside, let me say thank you for the encouragement we received in Louisiana. It is always encouraging to see people joining with God in the missio Dei. The great folks of FBC Grande Isle have a missional mindset and have helped to support the new church Crosspoint Church. God is working through the people of Crosspoint as they begin to share their faith with others on the Bayou!

After worshiping with both churches on Sunday, we got much needed sleep before heading back to Alabama. On the way, I was able to speak to several pastors at the Bayou Baptist Association. We shared about Reaching and Teaching and Ecuador. We are thankful for the opportunity to speak to them and look forward to working with several of the churches in the association. The pastors really have a heart to reach the Bayou for Jesus.

So our January ended with traveling over 3,000 miles, 6 sermons, 2 doctoral seminars, Hannah’s first birthday, and some really good gumbo! Speaking of Hannah, while we were gone, she began nodding her head “yes” and “no,” as well as signing “please” and “thank you.” She is a joy to watch grow up. I have hesitated sending this update letter out because she is just so close to walking! As I type this, she is using a walker and coming to me. And now… she is doing laps around the house!

February has been a great month meeting with several churches and people. We are well on our way to being fully funded. We are at this moment, a little over 60% funded for our monthly support! We are so thankful for everyone’s support.

If you would like to partner with us financially, all gifts are tax deductible. You can visit www.reachingandteaching.org/give and follow the prompts, just make sure you put “James and Erica Kerr” in the drop down menu (Erica is Katie’s legal name).

Here is a picture of Hannah is watching the monkey exhibit at the zoo. I would try to share a picture of her and the walker but she is going too fast!

I am a lifelong Patriots fan but we do have a sense of humor, Hannah is pictured with her very own air pump to make sure the footballs are just right :)

God gave us beauty for ashes, joy for our sorrow!

January 5^th. It was a Sunday morning.  In the matter of just a phone call, our lives changed drastically.  We excitedly got ready and rushed to the hospital.  The birthmother we had been working with had given birth to a baby girl.  She was here.  Our daughter had come!  We drove as fast as we could to get to her.  We finally got to see her, and hold her.  The hope swelled in our hearts.  Our Elizabeth Hope, which means our God has made a covenant of hope, had come! 

January 5th will always be a special day for us.  A day that reminds us of so much hope, our Lord’s healing and provision, much suffering, and even greater joy.  We had the privilege of being Elizabeth’s parents for six long wonderful, beautiful, painful, hurtful, days.  The Lord had ordained for us to love her with all of our hopeful broken hearts for the six days he granted her to us and we will be forever grateful!

At the end of those six days, our time as her parents had ended.  Our birth mom decided to place Elizabeth with another family.  We were heartbroken…utterly gut-wrenching heartbroken.  It was the worst trial we have experienced in our marriage.  I didn't understand.  My heart was so broken it felt as if it was ripped out, tied to a heavy anchor and dropped in the bottom of the ocean.  I asked James, “What good can come from this?” Isn't our God a God who loves his children and loves the orphan? We were trying to do the right thing.  Why were we suffering?  Why did we have to lose our daughter?  Our hopes and dreams for our daughter had vanished.  We didn't know where she was going.  We just knew she was no longer ours. 

But our life isn't ours either.  We belong to God.  He is our heavenly Father.  He understood our grief and pain.  Our God knows that pain and grief of losing a child.  He knows the pain of separation, in a much deeper way that what we were experiencing.  Our God could grieve with us.  We have a great High Priest who understands our suffering.   We knew God loved us.  We knew God had a plan, but we didn't understand.  We didn't want to suffer.  But praise be to God that he allowed our loss of Elizabeth, because through our deep pain and loss, we grew to know our loving Heavenly Father even deeper.  We understood more of his love, of his grace, and of his mercy. 

I can only imagine what God was thinking that night as we drove home without Elizabeth.  We couldn't see the future.  We didn't know what would happen.  But our gracious and loving father had a plan.   In our suffering, he brought great joy and provision.  And as January 5th approaches, I can be grateful for the outpouring of love, provision, grace, and mercy that our loving God so freely gave to us as we grieved during our loss of Elizabeth. 

That dreadful Saturday night as we returned our Elizabeth, God already had a plan to work in a huge and mighty way.   He portrayed himself through all parties involved in our failed adoption.  We experienced so much grace and compassion from the agencies and our attorney. God sent a friend to come and sit with me as I rocked our sweet Elizabeth for the last time. My sister and mother sat with me and helped me care for her as we knew we had to give her back.  They wept and cried and grieved with us.  They served us.  They loved us.   My friend, mom, and sister cried with me and prayed with me as I bathed her and got her ready for her journey to her new family. My family was there. My friend was there. But most importantly, God was there.   

That night, after we returned our Elizabeth, some of our friends showed up to love us and grieve with us. Each couple had experienced great loss and grief in their lives.  They knew what we needed to hear.  They knew when to sit and be quiet with us.  As I looked around that night at my beautiful friends who carried scars, God gave me hope.  God healed them.  He could heal me too.   They gave us such a gift as they grieved with is in our darkest hour.  These friends showed us a picture of the deep love of God.  They grieved with us! We are bonded with that beautiful, glorious bond for life. 

But God wasn't done.  Only God could work and move in such a mighty way.  Our sweet Hannah had come into this world! She needed us and we needed her!  Her birth-mother wanted her to go to a Christian family.  The director from the agency was praying that God would bring our child to us.  Within minutes she received the call about our sweet Hannah.  She said that God spoke to her heart. She knew that Hannah was our child.

The next day as we cried and prayed and worshiped at church, we got the call…the most important, glorious, most wonderful call we have ever received! Our sweet Hannah was waiting for us.  She would be our daughter if we would be her parents. We were scared.  All the “what ifs” were running through our heads.  We prayed that if she was to be our daughter that God would work and move to allow us to be her parents.  Little did we know, he was already at work. Our God is sovereign!  The next few hours God generously provided and made a way for us to go and bring our daughter home.  Our weeping lasted for the night but our God had already been at work to bring joy in the morning. 

It was a Sunday night. We were on our way to bring our daughter home. We were scared about the possibility of facing loss again.  We prayed that this time we would meet our forever child.  We prayed and knew that we would pursue and fight for our daughter with all of strength, will, and hearts.

As we were driving, James wanted to discuss names.  I was so scared and afraid. I was still grieving our failed adoption.  My heart broke that I wasn't there to love and comfort Elizabeth.  My heart broke that I wasn't there to love and bond with Hannah in the hospital right at that moment.  My heart was so troubled.  My heart was so heavy. But then my husband and our sweet Pastor (who went with us so we wouldn't be alone…I know he and his wife are amazing!) reminded me that God loves Elizabeth and Hannah and He was there with them.  God loved and loves them both more than I can imagine.  He was and is big enough to care for them.  God’s grace was and is enough for them.  God’s grace was enough for my torn but hopeful, and broken but joyful heart. 

In spite of all of this, God did place a name on my heart. That afternoon in the busyness of preparing to leave the name resonated within my heart.  I knew that this would be our daughter’s name.   I was scared to even say it out loud…Was this real? Was this really happening? Were we really going to meet our sweet daughter and bring her home? 

Then James shared the name that God had placed on his heart…Hannah Joy, the same name that God had given me all afternoon!   We would be meeting our sweet and precious gift from God very soon!  Her name means God’s favor or grace and to rejoice.  We certainly were humbled and in awe of our God working and moving in our life and Hannah’s life to be her parents.  She is our beautiful, wonderful, precious gift!  We love her with a deep, fierce, forever, grateful love!

The next day we met our beautiful gift from God!  The moment we met her, God placed so much joy and gratitude in our hearts!  We were incredibly blessed to share our first moments with her with my dad, and our pastor.  We were able to share our joy with them, which was an amazing gift! From the beginning, she has brought so much happiness.  God began to heal our scars and our hurts through his love and mercy.  We are incredibly blessed to call her our daughter.  When we look at her, we are reminded of God’s deep love for us.  He is our great healer.  He is our hope and our salvation!

Part of me wishes that I could say I am completely healed from all the pain that we experienced from Elizabeth, but part of me is relieved that God is still working on me and healing my heart.  I have realized this year that my God is a loving and gracious Father who can be trusted.  The Lord continues to show me that Hannah belongs to Him.  He is her creator and sustainer of life.  I must trust that God loves her more than myself and more than I can fathom or imagine.  I’m grateful for the scars that God has healed with his loving mercy.   Those scars remind me that He loves me and He is in control.  He is good and I can trust him, even when my circumstances want to scream something different to me.  He alone has to be my true source of hope and joy.  It is then that I can breathe, trust God, delight in Him, and enjoy my husband and my daughter, two of the most precious gifts that God could have ever given me!

We are so blessed by the outpouring of love God showed us through this time.  Our church family, our family, and our friends were so caring, so loving, so supportive.  They prayed with us, cried with us, rejoiced with us, brought gifts to us, and provided meals for almost a month!  They showed us the love of God within the body of Christ! 

So as January 5th approaches, we choose to praise God.  We praise God for the life of Elizabeth. We pray that as she grows, she will know of Jesus and his great love for her.  We pray that she follows him with her life.  We praise God for the family that he chose for her.  We praise God for the six days that we had with her.  We praise God for his grace and mercy in our grieving.  We praise God for Himself!  In our grief, He is our comfort and strength.  In our joy, we delight and rejoice in him!  We praise God for our brothers and sisters in Christ who prayed for us, loved us, grieved with us, and rejoiced with us!

We praise God because through our loss of Elizabeth, God worked mightily in a glorious way to give us our sweet and precious gift, our Hannah Joy! We praise God for the life of Hannah!  We pray that she will know Jesus and love him with her whole heart!  We pray that she knows God as her Abba Father, her provider, her protector, her comforter, but more than anything we pray that she knows God as her Savior. We pray that she knows how much she is loved and treasured by her creator and by us.  We pray that Hannah knows that our hearts are full of so much joy and gratitude! Out of all the parents in the world, God chose us to be her mommy and daddy!

We praise God that in several days we will have the honor of celebrating Hannah’s first birthday.  We praise God for her sweet and spunky personality.  We praise God for those sweet little fingers that wrap around ours.  We praise God for her sweet giggles that flood our home with so much joy.  We praise God that we are able to experience the world through Hannah…the first time we held her and she looked up at us, the first time we introduced her to our family and friends, her first bath, her first table food, her first toys, her first giggles, her first smiles, the first time she rested in our arms, the first time she patted our backs to show her love for us, her first trip to the beach, park, and zoo, her first Thanksgiving meal, her first Christmas and opening gifts, her first time playing in the sand, the first time she sang and clapped with all her heart in worship time….For all of these firsts, we are overwhelmed with joy and gratitude!   We are so thankful that we are her mommy and daddy we have the privilege of sharing life with her.  We are so excited about sharing all of her firsts of life with her! We feel incredibly blessed to call her our daughter.  Our God has made a covenant of hope! He has given us His grace and rejoice!

"Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you."

Psalm 33: 20-22

You can checkout James' sermon about our journey to Hannah and the faithfulness of our God here